we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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