I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
