Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A+ Viking dick
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