with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
