Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
