I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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