Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
