My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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