If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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