just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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