that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
