You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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