At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this boner is exhausting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
