so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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