She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
