There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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