Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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