Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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