Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
