And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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