Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
