$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
