If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
