If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
