The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
