Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
