Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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