I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
