You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
