Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
