So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
