Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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