Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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