so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
