i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
