HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
