Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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