Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
