What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So squirting runs in the family.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
