So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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