The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
