saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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