so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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