I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
