some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
