hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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