oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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