singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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