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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  what if I'm pregnant?

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  smusmorshion

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• (323): View more from California

  Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.

  (562): View more from California

  The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt

  (323): View more from California

  fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

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• (949): View more from California

  Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.

  (949): View more from California

  I felt like a god.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...

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