Soap is not a condiment
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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